My Holiday Joys

I just wrote a long email to a friend about this, so I thought I'd post it here on my blog since it's been forever since I wrote a thing.

The past 24 hours have pretty much sucked. The youngest's cough has been getting steadily worse over the past 3 days, so we were waffling on whether to take him to urgent care yesterday or just wait till the doctor's office was open today. We opted for the 2nd choice. Saturday and Sunday nights he was up most of the night. Additionally, yesterday afternoon when I got ready to put the daughter down for her nap, I took her pants off and it looked like she had ant bites on her legs. A bit later I noticed some on her back, too. So we changed her sheets and put her in a different shirt, and put her down for the nap. By the time she woke up, she was covered with blotchy red spots. I thought they must be hives, but I've never really seen them so I wasn't totally sure. By 7 p.m. she was starting to swell in places and we were kind of freaking out, so I took her to the ER at Children's. They gave her Benadryl and said they were hives, and that she either had a virus or that there was a small possibility she was reacting to the amoxicillin she'd been taking the last week for an ear infection. The doctor said there wasn't much else he could do and that they'd probably start looking worse, like big purple bruises. He said to just watch to be sure they didn't show up on her eyeball or in her mouth--and that if they did, to bring her back in.

Well, in the middle of the night she was crying and hubby went to try and comfort her, and her face was totally swollen and her eyes were nearly swollen shut! Still none in her mouth or anything, but it was really bad--she looked like a different baby. Then about 3:30 she puked, and then seemed to calm down some, but the hives just kept getting worse. This morning we made appointments for both her and the youngest to see the pedi. The earliest they could get them in was 11:30. Around 10 we noticed that her hands and feet were turning blue and we freaked again. Called the emergency nurse at our pediatrician's office and she said to bring them in right away. When we got there, everyone was commenting on how severe the hives were, but no one seemed overly concerned about the color of her hands, so we calmed down some. Turns out that's a pretty common reaction to hives as well--the circulation in her body is going towards the hives and away from her hands/feet. Our pedi gave her a steroid and some Benadryl and then gave us a prescription for the steroid. It's supposed to help keep the swelling down, and the Benadryl will keep it from itching, but neither of them will make it go away. It does look better now, but still she looks terrible. I had to reschedule our photo appointment (for our one year photos) which was supposed to be tomorrow, heheh.

The youngest has bronchitis, so she gave him a cough medicine, an antibiotic, and he has to use a nebulizer treatment for the next couple of days. They are both still asleep right now, so that's good. I'm hoping that tonight they will actually sleep. Last night I got maybe a total of 4 hours and it wasn't contiguous so I was pretty tired. Just finished taking a nap myself, woo!

My favorite band

Lots has been happening in my world lately.

Last week I traveled to the Washington DC area to see the Smashing Pumpkins play two concerts on their 20th anniversary tour. My good friend picked me up at the airport on Tuesday. Unfortunately, I forgot my cell phone at home which led to a very irritating series of events which delayed our meetup by about 3 hours. On top of that, the first show wasn't the best one, and included some serious drama. By the time I arrived at my cheap and not-so-fancy hotel that evening, I was beginning to wonder if I'd made a mistake taking the trip. I was tired and feeling pretty emotional about having left my still-nursing twins behind, and all the unrest of the day caught up to me.

The next morning, after NINE HOURS of uninterrupted sleep, I felt much better. We spent the morning running errands (purchasing a new cell phone and the new Smashing Pumpkins documentary). Then we managed to watch the first disc of the documentary. And that evening's show was probably the best Pumpkins show I have ever seen. We had 2nd row seats, right in front of Jeff. About 6 songs into the show, as the opening notes for my favorite song, Soma, began, this couple materialized and tried to claim our seats. The usher actually wanted me to step out into the aisle to sort things out. I told him that I'd come all the way from Texas to hear that song and that they just needed to work it out. Ha! Seriously, I would have left during any other song. My friend played damage control with the usher, and all was well. I managed to hear Soma uninterrupted, but I didn't manage not to cry during it.

The other great thing that happened on the trip was that I managed to donate all the breastmilk that I pumped to a woman who lives in the area. She had a breast reduction surgery when she was younger, so doesn't produce enough milk to nurse her baby. She has been feeding him strictly breastmilk for his entire 9 months, though, by accepting donated milk. She drove to my hotel on Thursday morning to pick up what I had pumped during my trip. I was so thrilled not to have to dump everything! Plus, it felt nice to help her with her situation--she was almost out of breastmilk in her freezer when she saw my post about donating mine.

By Thursday afternoon, I was really thankful that I'd had the opportunity to take the trip, see my friend, and see the Pumpkins play. This newest incarnation of the band is by far the strongest bunch of musicians that Billy's ever surrounded himself with, and I fully enjoyed almost every minute of the performances, barring the cover of Pink Floyd's Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun (which they played on night 1).

Now, if I can just manage to find the time to watch disc 2 of the documentary...sigh.

nice things

Today at dinner, without being asked, the eldest got his own silverware and napkin, and then got napkins for me and his dad. He said, "Mama, I set the table!"

What a sweetie.

I'm going to miss him. And the daughter. And the youngest. And my hubby.

But I'm going to see the Smashing Pumpkins! Yay!

more sickness, but obama! and massage!

So today, the youngest threw up at the end of his nap. UGH. Just when I think he is getting well. It was a tough afternoon/evening. But tonight, a fellow mom of twins is here giving me and the hubby some well-deserved massage therapy. Very nice. And then I log on to check election returns and they've already called it for Obama. Yay!

am i crazy?

I was supposed to go on a trip for my 40th birthday. With girlfriends. To, say, New Orleans or someplace. And when that started to crumble, I thought about having a girls' weekend at a nice hotel here in Austin. But I never managed to get plans off the ground for that, either.

So instead, I'm flying to Washington DC in less than 2 weeks to go see the Smashing Pumpkins on their 20th anniversary tour. It's a two-night spectacular, so I'll be attending both shows. These shows are taking place almost a year to the day that I was put on bedrest when pregnant with the twins, and had to miss the Austin show at the Backyard.

The husband is taking vacation time from work (don't worry, kids, he has 118 hours of vacation left for 2008) so that I can go.

Happy birthday to me!

dealing with demons

Someone once told me that God doesn't give you more to deal with than you can handle. Ok, God, I'm done, then. The past week or so has been full of stressful situations that have brought me to my knees in prayer more times than once. The eldest has been having behavioral issues (again/still) at school and at home; bonus baby has been sick; hubby's company is in the midst of a layoff cycle, wherein his job is not in danger, but he's seen some very close friends lose their jobs, some of whom have worked for the ocmpany for close to 20 years; I've hit a few hard walls in terms of my limitations as a parent; my grandparents are ailing; we're back to being in a financial crunch; and my brother is going through a major overhaul of his life. I think that's quite enough.

My brother is at the forefront of my thoughts right now though. It's a very crucial time for him and I just hope and pray that he is able to find the strength to make the changes he so desperately wants to make. I'm hoping that with the support of my parents, he's going to overcome his issues.

Funny

I'm sure everyone's already seen this but me, but:

Hockey Mom

If she lived in my town, we might be friends. At least, we'd be friends in the sense that I'm friends with the people I know who are infectious, bubbly, friendly, and overly prone to the use of colloquialisms. I have a high tolerance for this, having been raised in a part of the world that is inundated with slang, y'all. She's intelligent, warm, and downright bubbly. And she even has some familiar mannerisms, especially that wink. She talks about her kids and family a lot, but seems to have a really good balance between her work and family life, something I truly envy.

I want to like her, I really do. And I think I would, if she weren't the vice presidential nominee for the Republican Party. I'm glad Obama had the good sense to select O'Biden.

aftermath

I spoke with my cousin at length on Monday evening. They are still dealing with the aftermath of Ike and will be for a while. She said there is trash everywhere, and so many of the beautiful trees in the area are either gone or ripped apart. She sounds depressed and down. She's been trying to take care of my grandmother, too, and now my grandmother has fallen and hurt her face pretty badly. It's just too much. It's too much for me, and I don't even have to deal with it all on a daily basis.

boiling point

I've reached the point of meltdown today.

The eldest was a complete emotional basketcase when I picked him up from school. I think he's just tired, but it pushes me to the outer limits of my patience. And now, the babies, who are oh, so tired and have not had a decent nap in their cribs yet today, are refusing to nap.

I need a vacation, people.

illness

I was inspired to borrow a friend's schtick this morning.

germs infect our house
all the boys are sick as dogs
girls are close behind

I feel as though I should disinfect my home or something. Hubby has been sick for 5 days, the eldest has been sick for 5 days, the daughter was sick last week and is doing better but still has a stuffy nose, bonus baby has been sick for 4 days, and I am not sick but definitely have congestion issues. Maybe it's something in the water.

The eldest and hubby have it the worst, and they're both seeing the doctor today.

emergency, emergency

It is the eve before I am to celebrate my 40th birthday by seeing Seinfeld at the Majestic Theater in San Antonio, followed by a stay in a lovely riverside hotel, WITH NO KIDS.

I'm awakened at 1 a.m. by the sounds of the eldest coughing and calling for me. I enter his room and he says, "Mommy, I'm sick! I'm going to throw up!" I start trying the things that have worked before, start calming him down, DH gets up and starts running the hot water in the tub, but the stridor is on the breathing out and the breathing in. With stupid medical book in hand, I contemplate whether or not this constitutes an emergency. I hear the eldest, calmer now, but still barking like a seal, start to laugh because his voice sounds funny. Hubby says, "Why don't you just call the physician's line and see what they say?" I am not convinced. I hold the eldest on my lap to try to assess the situation more clearly. I feel him start to shake and spasm. He doesn't feel feverish. But he is shaking like he has the chills. I am now able to clearly hear him struggling to exhale as much as he is struggling to inhale. The fear wraps around me and I tell DH to get him in the car, take him to the emergency room. "Do I need to call 911?" I hear myself say, as I try to swallow the panic. DH starts being indecisive and I snap into authoritative mode. I say, "Take him in your car, so you can reach him if anything happens. I don't want him sitting in the back seat of the minivan if something happens." He says, "Let's just call the physician's line and see what they say." "NO! Take him in!" DH starts getting dressed and I take the eldest downstairs, in my arms. He is shaking as if spasms of pain are ripping through his body, but he says he doesn't hurt. We go outside--oh, and I forget to trip the alarm, so first, we set that off and it scares him, but once I explain what it is and quickly disarm it, he's fine--and I tell him to breathe deeply. It seems to help some, but the shaking grows worse. I am truly frightened now and I am barely able to function. DH comes outside and asks the eldest if he is cold. "Yes," he says. I run inside and start praying, begging, pleading with God to make things ok. I grab the blanket that Aunt Kittye made for us, for him, and I run to the front door with it. DH returns and grabs it from my hand, saying, "I'll call you." I collapse on the floor in tears, sobbing to God. "Please let my baby be ok. Please don't let anything happen to him." I run upstairs and find the number for the emergency room, and call ahead, just in case. The nurse who answers sounds a bit put off by my urgency, but I don't care. She was nice enough. I just want my baby to be fine.

Several minutes pass. I begin typing the story. DH calls and says they've arrived, that they are waiting for the nurse, and that the eldest seems better. Of course, like every other time we have panicked, this time will be the same. They will tell us he is fine, that he has croup or some other such minor illness. I will again feel somewhat silly for sending my sick husband and son to the emergency room at 1:00 a.m. But in my heart, I know that it will always be this way with this boy. I will never be able to take things in stride with him. I will always panic when he is having trouble breathing, or bleeding, or any number of things that might happen to him during his young life. He came so close to being taken away from me once, and I cannot forget that. And it colors my judgement every time he wheezes, every time he cries, every time he feels pain, every time he screams out to me in the middle of the night. I will never be able to think clearly when these things happen, because I will always know what it is like to lose him, and I do not ever want that to happen again.

Hurricane Ike

We're just a few hours from seeing what Ike actually does to the coastal cities of Texas. I'm praying that the sensationalistic news reports are just that. I have a lot of family in the Galveston/Houston area and I'm somewhat concerned for their safety.

It's hit the papers

http://tinyurl.com/628qda

Lovely.

It couldn't happen in MY family...

Over a year ago, a friend of mine lost her 35-year-old daughter. She was murdered by her ex-husband because of a custody dispute regarding their 6 year old little girl. Now, my friend, who was grandmother to this girl, is acting as her mother and raising her. It was always inconceivable to me how this could happen to someone I know.

On Saturday night, my husband's cousin and his wife got into an argument. Alcohol was involved. There are many different versions being told of what happened. The facts we know are: 1) Cousin was shot 2) Wife did the shooting 3) Daughter, 5 years old, called 911. We've been told that the daughter was a witness, and that she was also very nearby when it happened--near enough that she could have also been killed.

Wife admitted that she was trying to kill Cousin. She was in jail, but posted bond and was released yesterday. Cousin had reconstructive surgery on his jaw today and the doctors are still unsure of the prognosis. They are doing a CAT scan on him tonight to find out if there are still bullet fragments lodged somewhere in his head.

Legal guardianship of daughter is basically up for grabs. Her grandmother, my mother-in-law's sister, can't have guardianship because her husband has a criminal record. Wife's mother is a drug addict, and her father committed suicide about a year ago. So, my husband's parents are driving 13 hours tomorrow to go fight for legal guardianship of Daughter.

It always amazes me that I tend to think of life as a straight line, but it is really a series of twists, turns, and falling off cliffs.

teh politiks

Now this is what I call exciting news.

And here is what a good friend of mine has to say about all these shenanigans. I would write something myself, but I couldn't have said it better than he did.

I can't remember ever feeling so excited about an election, except maybe the year my dad's boss ran for state representative and my brother and I got to "work" in his campaign.

Cooking therapy

This week I got a delivery from Greenling. I ordered the "local box", so I got a really good variety of different vegetables and herbs that I don't normally cook with. Tonight for dinner, I made a turkey meatloaf, accompanied by chive-basil mashed potatoes and zucchini-carrot pancakes w/basil-chive dressing. Mmmm. Cooking is so therapeutic for me.

Hardest week EVER

This week was really tough in many ways, but mainly because it was my first week back at work (2 days a week) AND the eldest is not in school yet. So I had all three kids all day Monday, Thursday, and today, and worked Tuesday and Wednesday and then had all three kids after work both days.

My brain is mush. I'd love to write something meaningful and interesting, but I just can't.

McCain/Palin

My gut reaction? Smart. He's going for the womens' votes, the ones who were bitterly disappointed with the results of the Democratic primaries, the ones who are on the fence about voting for Obama.

My later reaction? He's shooting himself in the foot choosing someone with so little experience. Or possibly, he's shooting America in the foot.

foot weirdness

Tuesday morning, I woke up with a terrible pain in my foot. It radiated across the top of my foot and up into my ankle. Putting on a shoe and attempting to walk made it almost unbearable. By that evening, my foot appeared quite swollen, and I noticed a red, itchy bump on the arch of my foot.

This morning when I woke up, the bump still itched, but my foot felt like nothing had ever been wrong with it.

I wonder if the bump was a spider bite?

kari's baby

How could I forget to mention that Kari's baby was born yesterday, and he's in the NICU but basically fine? His name is Isaac. He's tiny and perfectly formed. She made it to 28 weeks and 2 days, against all the predictions of the doctors.

Matriarch

A week ago tonight, my great aunt Lillian passed away at age 94. She was the oldest of my grandmother's remaining siblings. At one time, they numbered eight, but now there are only 3 left. The first to go was Laurence, who died on the day of my dad's 10th birthday party. He committed suicide in the home he shared with his wife, Sally, across the street from my grandparents' home. At that time, all of the siblings lived in the same area. As they grew up and married, their parents gave them parcels of the land that had belonged entirely to them when they first settled in the area. So by the time I was born, there were still six of them living right there in that one neighborhood. Hugo, the eldest, had moved with his second wife to Galveston, but we still saw him frequently.

Robert and Rachel lived next door to my grandparents; on the other side was Aunt Beber's house (her real name was Vivian, but we didn't call her that). Behind those homes, on the opposite side of the block, my uncle Lee Roy and his wife Doris and my uncle Donald and his wife Betty (and their kids) lived in homes they'd built. In between all of the homes stood the homestead, where Mom and Pop had lived. The home was, for all of my lifetime, occupied by my Aunt Lillian.

Now that she is gone, the home stands empty and it is left to the three remaining siblings to decide its fate. Much sentimentality and emotion surrounds this decision, and my grandmother is caught in the middle of a few somewhat heated arguments of the kids and grandkids. I'm hoping she can just slough all of that off and just really make the best decision for her and her two brothers, because they are all that matter in this. After all, it was their childhood home.

The funeral was the most celebratory I've ever attended. The music was inspirational, and included a song written and performed by one of my second cousins. The preaching was dynamic and exciting. The storytelling was heartwrenching at times, hilarious at others. I learned that my aunt hired the first black woman ever to work at County Memorial Hospital, where I was born. I learned that she used to write checks for people to be able to get medical treatment when they came in with no money and no insurance. I learned that she had left her husband behind to be a missionary in Mexico City for 3 years, and that he had divorced her while she was gone; and later I learned that my grandmother had always been angry at her for that.

She was buried in the old town cemetery, which is not where most of my relatives from that area are buried. Her parents, her brother Laurence, and her sister Vivian are all buried there, and apparently my grandparents and Donald & Betty have plots there as well. It's a beautiful cemetery, on the banks of a creek, with plenty of mosquitos to keep the graveside services short.

I didn't get a chance to go through the house, but my grandmother was telling everyone to go through and take whatever they wanted. It was kind of a sad free-for-all in some ways, although hopefully people took things that really mean something to them.

If they sell the house, it will be the first time that anyone that's not family has ever lived in it. My great-grandfather built it himself. I think it might just be time to tear it down.

prayer for kari

gasping for your first precious breath
lungs expand, working hard against all fear
life-giving, life-bringing, life-living
you are strong
defying all the odds so far
why quit now?

sinking fast

Ok, so maybe I'm not drinking enough good coffee or something. I'm really having a tough time these last few days. Today I accidentally stole something from Target because I totally forgot that I put it underneath the stroller. Geez. I have no clue when I'll be able to make it back to the store, either. I'm starting to have to say "no" to things now, which is something I haven't done in a while. I'm actually saying "no" to some things I've already committed to, even, just because I can't handle the extra pressure right now. It's been a while since I've felt this fragmented, and I really don't like it one bit.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Ok, is anyone really surprised that this is getting awful reviews? When I first read about it, I thought, hm, maybe this is going to be good. But then I saw a preview and knew immediately that Georgie's gone even further in the wrong direction, continuing the downward spiral that began with Jar Jar Binks and was only momentarily halted by the release of Episode III.

I've heard people say things like "Well, the original Star Wars was made for kids too, and it has the same silly humor as Episode I & II. You people that grew up in the 70s and saw it when you were kids just romanticized it and ignored all the dumb parts." Um, no. Watching all of the episodes again as an adult didn't change the fact that Yoda was incredibly Zen, voiced by Frank Oz, and his only supposedly annoying characteristic is transposing his sentences. And you're comparing that to the fart jokes in Episode I? And Jar Jar Binks was voiced by...who? And was his speech pattern really necessary? Oh, and let's not forget Hayden Christensen's extremely wooden performance in Episode II, which after seeing Episode III I would have to blame almost entirely on the director. Yes, I mean Georgie.

Spielberg has managed to become more relevant as he ages; Lucas has managed to sink into more and more idiocy, for...what? I don't really see how he thinks that this schlock is going to make more money than the earlier, better stuff.

Update on unhandyman

I was right, I was right, I was right! Picture me dancing around in a sort of whoopish victory type dance, wearing a tshirt and sweatpants and looking rather disheveled. That's how I spent most of my Saturday, although it wasn't initially supposed to be that way.

It took the husband from 9:30 a.m. until 4:30 p.m. to install the microwave.

But, to his credit, we do have a very nice, very well-installed microwave now.

To add to the day's excitement, my daughter decided to throw up twice that morning, and had a Major Diaper Incident(TM) at about 5:30 that evening. Plans were canceled, sitters were unhired, and sleep was not to be had.

But we do have a microwave!

psychological damage fund

I once heard someone say that they were planning to put a quarter in a jar every time they did something or said something that might potentially damage their childrens' psyches (i.e. yelling at them, locking them in their rooms, spanking). The contents of the jar would then be gifted to their adult children to help pay for therapy.

I'm thinking I should have taken this advice to heart, considering my three-year-old already needs it. Therapy, that is.

Anyone got an antidote for mommy guilt? I've got a bad case.

therapy and medicine

I'm spending some cash and time on my son's behavior issues this week. Tonight was a session with my favorite family therapist, and tomorrow's a doctor's appointment. I'm going to ask her to test him for allergies and sensitivities, so we can rule those things out. I don't think there's anything wrong with my boy, per se, but I do want to help him get a handle on his emotions. He's just so volatile. Wonder where he gets that?

Chillin wit da homies

Last Saturday evening found me and my husband enjoying the musical offerings of the illustrious Snoop Dogg and 311. The concert was held at The Backyard, a venue that will soon be closing. This was my first time there, although I did have tickets to The Smashing Pumpkins' rescheduled 2007 show, which fell on the date I was put on bedrest for my twin pregnancy. But that's another story for another post.

We missed the opening act, Fictionplane, which apparently is Sting's son's band and gets halfway decent reviews. We opted for food instead. We arrived just as Snoop was taking the stage. I couldn't wipe the big goofy smile off my face. Snoop played all da hitz, from back in the day to his more recent offerings. I haven't had that much pure, silly fun at a concert since I saw The Beastie Boys back in 2004. He had the (mostly white) crowd doing all the hip hop moves the entire time he performed. I was right there along with them. He closed with a version of the classic, Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye; instead of the word "Goodbye" in the interminable chorus, we sang "Snoop Dogg".

311 took the stage around 10:00 p.m., so we were already watching the clock a bit. They put on a great show, with a very effective lighting display and a perfect setlist. Unfortunately, by the time they came out for the encore, we were feeling the need to leave, to avoid the crazy parking situation. If we didn't have kids, or if my parents hadn't been our sitters, we might have stayed a bit longer. As we walked across the Best Buy parking lot to make our way to the dirt trail leading to the "parking lot", we heard the strains of their second encore tune, which happens to be my favorite 311 song, Beyond the Grey Sky. I was disappointed that I missed it, because it was one of two songs I'd really hoped they would do. At least I got to hear the first one, their cover of Lovesong by the Cure.

We returned home at midnight to non-sleeping babies and tired grandparents, but it was worth every bit of sleep I lost that night.

unhandyman

(disclaimer) That title sounds a lot more derogatory than it's meant to be.

Last Thursday, I killed the microwave. Decimated it, even. Actually, I just burned four chicken nuggets in it, so black they were unrecognizable as having ever been a food product. The smell was impossible to get rid of, so we decided it was time for a new microwave. One that fits above the stove, so we could have more counter space. We've been looking at that type for a few years now, but it never seemed the right time to buy one. So on Sunday we plunked down the cash at Best Buy and brought one of them home with us.

It's been sitting near our front door in its nice large box ever since. Tonight, my dear husband (I need to come up with some kind of bloggish name for him, I guess, but there's not one floating in my head yet so it'll have to wait till I'm a bit more awake) decided that he was going to do the "preliminary work" on getting it installed.

Two hours later, he informs me that there are several minor obstacles to said installation, and one major obstacle. The minor obstacles involve purchasing pieces of wood and mounting them under the lip of our cabinetry and along the back wall where the tile does not extend to the bottom of the cabinet. The major one? Umm, installing an electrical outlet in the back of the cabinet.

He thinks he can get all this done on Saturday by 4:30, in time for us to keep the commitment we have for that evening.

My response? Probably very un-wifely of me, but I suggested that we hire a handyman. Ouch.

kari's child

holding my breath
inside my stretched lungs
i try to imagine the life of you
swelling,beating heart against your mother's
precious imagination
yet so real, so true
just a little while longer
please hold on, please linger
do miracles happen?
because if they do, i'd like to see one
just this once
in this space surrounding you

--july 8, 2008

My friend has had an extremely difficult pregnancy. I wrote this poem the day that they thought she was going to lose the baby. Today, she is 25 weeks and 4 days pregnant, in the hospital under supervision, and possibly having the baby at some point in the next 24 hours. I'm just praying for her and hoping for the best for everyone.

Finally, a blog

So a week ago, I decided to start a blog. Only I couldn't figure out what to call it. Bits and pieces of song lyrics kept floating around, asking to be chosen. I found myself rejecting each and every one, perhaps for no other reason than I didn't want to pigeonhole myself.

This blog is not just about music. It's not just about kids. It's not just about life in general, nor is it just about religion, politics, television, marriage, or the 311 concert I attended last night. No, it's really about coffee. Delicious, hot, steamy beverage that keeps me plugging away at life on a daily basis. Because, without coffee? There wouldn't be any of those other things to balance, since I'd just be sleepwalking through life.